Friday, February 19, 2010

Dramatic Readings

I had an idea to do dramatic readings of Facebook Status' like: 

In dramatic voice : 

"Take off your halo, I ain't nobody's angel now"

"I'm hungry"
"I love hashbrowns"

"I want to live in the bath"

"I like biscuits"

"golden corral anyone?"


So while I work on that, the next best thing to enjoy is this guy's dramatic readings of breakup letters. They are hilarious.

DRAMATIC READINGS OF BREAKUP LETTER

More people, places, and things that stress Joselyn out

Dollywood

people with tip calculators - move the decimal one spot to the left and thats 10% of the bill people. Then double that. 

having ADD at all the not fun times to have it-standardized testing, church, talking to people with distracting body hair, watching japanese television can be overwhelming, while editing my graffiti doc, talking to a doctor, on dates with people who apparently don't like splitting dinner to go on adventures, while painting my nails and having to stay still for 15 minutes- I still don't think I've successfully done that


Homeless people that don't just get right to the point. One homeless guy downtown starts in on you with "Do you have ten minutes to spare?" After writing this I'm realizing I'm a bastard.


bi sexuals - super competitors


sleepwalkers


people that let their kids watch horror films...in theaters, not only are they wrong - they are flip about it. Flip wrong people stress me out


artificial sweeteners - there is no way this is going to end positively
people still wearing ironic slogan t-shirts except the one that says "I support Safe Sex" with two safes on top of each other. Or one that perhaps would say "Why so Sirius?"copyright Joselyn McDonald
 

Monday, February 15, 2010

People that stress me out.

The following are people and things that stress me out:

people that eat cereal while driving

people that drink out of mugs while driving

pomegranates

the intelligence of virus'

origami

needlepoint activities

parents that forget about president's day and try to drop their kids off at school

people that meet on match.com

people that don't high five

kids that speak two languages 

people that pronounce foreign words with accents

people that forget to pick their kids up after school

career tests that tell me that I should be a magician

how I don't know anything about wine when my snobby great aunt asks me to give her the dark cask wine

people that don't pronounce foreign words without accents 

the following words: moist, panties, seed, damp, lather, flesh

morning talk radio topics: ex. whether a woman is sexy after giving birth

roving black holes

the discovery of the planimal







The kleptomaniac sea slug Elysia chlorotica feeds on algae by sucking out the innards of filaments. The slug takes in the little algal organelles for photosynthesizing and, researchers now say, can also manufacture the compound, chlorophyll a.Credit: Nicholas E. Curtis and Ray Martinez

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

blurging

I haven't been blogging lately. 

I think it is because I've been thinking about native americans a lot lately. 

Not specifically focused on one thing about them, but that smallpox blanket thing is pretty heavy. If someone offers me a blanket now, I'll take it, but in the back of my mind I will be wondering if it is biowarfare. Thanks a lot white man.

Yeah, that's probably it.  


and I really like the song Stylo by gorillaz. The same band that brought us Clint Eastwood back in middle school. Enough said.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Slide Projector



I was watching this video on youtube today to get some stock footage for my bathroom graffiti documentary. slide over to 3:50 min/sec to see what the narrator says about the slide of his mom and dead.








I'll cheat a little and tell you that he says" That is my mom. By today's standards she is dead."

Friday, February 5, 2010

Online Review of Wendy's. All 5 stars.

Well we all know Wendy's be da shiiiitt. I just thought I would search the internet for online reviews of Wendy's to prove my point. The following are all real (even though they might blow your head off) reviews that people left online of Wendy's. Enjoy.

CHICKEN!!!
Rated 5.0 out of 5.0 By iregretjumping - Jan 27, 2010
They take the chicken and nugget it. Then they take the chili and magic it. So, here is what I did. I ordered both the Chicken Nuggets and the Chili from the lady. Both of them are on the dollar menu and I was all like "WHAAAT?" and the lady was like "BOOM!" So now I had the Chicken and the Chili and I dipped the chicken into the chili. Once the chicken came into contact with said chili, a bright light and a voice came out of the wax-coated cardboard bowl. It turns out when the awesomeness of the two collide, it rips a hole in the time-space continuum and a portal to heaven opens. From that gleaming portal of light, the voice told me the secrets of the universe such as 'If you dip chicken nuggets in chili, it will open a gateway to heaven.' I was all like, "Duh!". The voice called me a douche-nozzle and the void closed. I was all "Woah!" then began pumping the ketchup pump on the counter until it was empty. They kicked me out.

MY NAME IS JESUS CHRIST AND I APPROVE...
Rated 5.0 out of 5.0 By Patrick - Jan 25, 2010
I feel I must inform you all, if I had known that such a ballin ass DELICATESSEN would be around serving such BANGIN BURGERS and FRIES CRISPIER THAN SHIT, I would have probably stayed on Earth and not have DIED FOR YOUR GODFORSAKEN SINS. FUCK.
My EXPERIENCE
Rated 4.0 out of 5.0 By lol - Jan 24, 2010
I dined here on JANUARY THE FIFTH and had the best FRIED GROUND POULTRY PIECES I have ever eaten. I sold MY means of VEHICULAR TRANSPORTATION AND LATER MY DWELLING QUARTERS to buy more. They were so ADDICTING. I am now living in a CORRUGATED CARDEBOARDE BOXE using WIRELESS INTERNETE from the BOOKLENDERS DOWN THE BOULEVARDE. The NUGGETES WERE EXCELLENTE although they were quite IMBUEDE with SALT. I HEARTILY RECOMMEND this FINE DINING ESTABLISHMENTE as a SOPHISTICATEDE PLACE TO FILL your STOMACHE with HEALTHY fried CHICKENE. -CHICKEN REVIEWER MAN, Esq

hey thats not a scared puppis!
Rated 5.0 out of 5.0 By Anthony - Jan 24, 2010
juicy bricky nuggle meats, greasy love oh so sweet. baked buttered tater lumps, jrigg digg digg, bradle numps. lovin me some burgers squared, freshly cut from cows prepared for me to eat, areet deet skeet all up on yo shit cause that shits legit. wendys.

FRE$H!
Rated 5.0 out of 5.0 By Paul - Jan 24, 2010
Aight you knoww mee, when i get dem munchies i be jonesin for dat Wendy's! I mean mang this place is off da chainn! dey got dem golden CRUNCHY CHICKEN up in here sonn!! Im be lookin for some chocodrink man they got these bomb ass Frostys! im like sheet gimme one of those!! Then i be dippin my fries in der!! DAMUNN SON!!!

Wendy's, my friend
Rated 5.0 out of 5.0 By jay - Jan 24, 2010
This place is upbeat and enjoyable. You will find that the chicken nuggets are amongst the crispiest that you have ever tasted. I sampled one and exclaimed "Pardon me Wendy, but I can't help but feel that you're being facetious". The ladies tending to the deep-fry machines are, however, quite disagreeable. I tried to court one in particular but she rejected my advances. I tried to save face by declaring "I don't really mind, your appearance unsettles me as it is".

SUP DAWGS
Rated 5.0 out of 5.0 By justin - Jan 24, 2010
LEIK EY MAYUN, THIS PLACE BE THE SHEET, IT GOT ALL THEM SHAKES AND STUFF, AN' THAT WENDY GIRL BE SMOKIN, I BANGED HER BUTT ALL NIGHT LONG, AAAAAW YEAAAAAAAH

Good sir.
Rated 5.0 out of 5.0 By Matt - Jan 24, 2010
I do say good man, these chicken nuggets are quite scrumptious. Indeed they are.

Wendy's SoNnNnNnN
Rated 5.0 out of 5.0 By Chris - Feb 3, 2009
This place is BAWLIN' yo. Chicken nuggitz be crispy like you never SEEN. I tasted one and I was like "WHAAAAT! Are you serious Wendy?" Mean girls workin the friers, tho. This one chick wouldn't even let me holla. I was like "please you ugly anyway."

Thursday, February 4, 2010

want some good music.

GO TO MAJOR LAZER ON MARCH 30TH at Cat's Cradle!
But first download the following songs off site:mediafire.com (SONG TITLE) 
That is all it takes. Or download once ever 2 months from www.nylongmag.com/itunes they usually have all that hipster stuff we all hate to like and listen to riding our road bikes around in skinny jeans and raybans. 

One Eskimo - giving up
Cass McCombs - you saved my life
Chew Lips - Toro
White Denim- I start to Run
Woods - Silence is Golden
Monarchy - Black the color of my heart
Crookers - cooler couleur
modest mouse- dashboard
yeasayer - sunrise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
yeasayer - i remember

oh and hey nobody looks like their dopplegangers except jessica ledoux and rob zombie's wife which is really quite weird. Oh and Jonathan Dail and Chris Martin from Coldplay